Stressed….it’s more than ‘desserts’ spelled backwards

In her weekly guest column, Joanne Arcand talks about childhood stress.

By Joanne Arcand

A study came through my mailbox the other day.  It discussed the fate of some unfortunate dragonfly larvae that researchers had placed in a tank with rather large (to the larvae, I guess) fish.  It seems that, even though a barrier prevented the fish from eating the larvae, the stress of the predator caused the death of many of the hopeless creatures.  And in Allanis Morrisette-esque irony, they were also less likely to turn into dragonfly - a form that would have allowed them to fly away from the killer in the water.

6 Signs of Childhood Stress

Our children also experience stress, though thankfully they have more coping strategies than dragonfly larvae.  A google search will pop up literally thousands of studies of children undergoing stress.  Our definition of stress includes internal stress (hunger, sensitivity to noise, pain, temperature changes, crowding, illness) and external stress (conflict, violence (bullying), loss of objects/pets, death or sickness of a loved one, deadlines, etc) (Marion, 2003).

It occurred to me while checking the list of internal stresses that all of them are experienced by our children while schlepping them around a shopping mall looking for holiday gifts.

And then (surprise, surprise) I checked off the ‘symptoms of stress in children’ while observing four (yes four) children accompanying a woman through the aisles of Walmart last night at 10:30 pm:

                -crying, sweaty palms

                -running away, avoidance

                -aggressive, disruptive behavior

                -headaches/stomach-aches

                -rocking, thumb-sucking, nail biting, and other self comforting behaviors

                -sleep disturbances (OK this last one might be due to the mom’s decision to begin a shopping trip at 10:30 at night…and not just for ‘a few things’-she had an entire cart!)

(These symptoms were taken from Stansbury & Harris, 2000; Fallin, Wallinga, & Coleman, 2001; Marion, 2003, see the links to the studies below)

So What’s a Cosmopolitan/Stay at Home/Busy Mom to do?

According to the studies I have read (and teachers read many a study!), the keys lie in the routine.  Children do not have the life experience to anticipate stress on their own.  We know when we turn the calendar page to December what that means to our schedule.  Children think that a big man in a red suit handles all that shopping for us. 

8 Ways to Deal With Stress in Children

Here are the tips from the experts to help reduce those temper tantrums in the Walmart aisles:

1. Keep the bedtime semi-regular.  Within a half hour of ‘normal’.  Kids need sleep to deal with stress.  (And Walmart lady, if you’re reading this - 10:30 pm is not ‘normal bedtime’, you know your kids wake up at 6:30 no matter what time they go to bed.)
2. Warn your child of an upcoming stress, but too much warning can make the anticipation worse than the event (Donate-Bartfield & Passman, 2000).  Give one factual ‘warning’ (“tomorrow, fifty million people are coming over for dinner and it might get loud in here.  You can go upstairs to your bedroom if you need a break, just let me know first”), then let them know they can ask more questions if they need to later on.
3. Provide an area where the child can use art, clay, or drama (puppets) to act out the event.
4. Model and practice expressions used to express feelings.  Many parents use the quiet time before bed to ‘trap’ stress in a ‘magic box’.  I also know a dramatic mom that lets her kids write or draw the stress and burn them in a magic cauldron-but I’m hesitant to do that with my own kids as I’m not sure it won’t cause my children to grow up to be pyromaniacs.
5. Teach relaxation techniques (Imagine the steps before you start, deep breathing, counting to ten (or 50), imagine a safe, relaxing place, hire a maid and go to the spa….)
6. Since stress in children is also linked to self esteem, practice positive self talk (I can do this…”)
7. Graze.  There’s a reason why cows seem so relaxed.  Eat small, frequent meals and check off your food groups so you don’t go a whole day eating only brown things.
8. Celebrate the successful completion of a task.  OK.  That wasn’t in the research- I just like a good celebration!

Sources:

Donate-Bartfield, E., & Passman, R. H. (2000). Establishing rapport with preschool-age children: Implications for practitioners. Children's Health Care, 29(3), 179-188.

Fallin, K., Wallinga, C., & Coleman, M. (2001). Helping children cope with stress in the classroom setting. Childhood Education, 78(1), 17-24.

Marion, M. (2003). Guidance of young children (6th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Stansbury, K., & Harris, M. L. (2000). Individual differences in stress reactions during a peer entry episode: Effects of age, temperament, approach behavior, and self-perceived peer competence. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 76(1), 50-63.

Joanne Arcand is trying to juggle her role as a math teacher with her other life as mom of twin boys.  She lives in Oakville, Ontario.