Christmas WS's!Do you find that you get a monosyllabic answer or no response at all when you ask your kids how their day was at school? Today, our regular guest blogger Joanne Arcand gives us some tips on how to get a response from our young kids.
By Joanne Arcand
Many of us can remember that scene in Ferris Bueler’s Day Off when the teacher repeats “Beuler….Bueler….Bueler". At the time, it was funny to see a teacher wait so long before finally figuring out that Ferris has skipped school for the day. Now that I’m a teacher, and have the good fortune to teach my own five year olds, I recognize it as a parody of ‘wait time’; a valuable skill to learn when instructing young people.
Multitasking is a Learned Skill
We are used to multitasking. While I type this blog, I am recalling spelling and grammar rules learned over my first eight years of schooling, thinking of the future storyline I wish to develop here, and constantly choosing between three or four ways to express each idea. I can type (something I also learned in school) faster than I can speak, and I can also pay attention to the conversation between the boys on whether boys should be allowed to wear more jewelry (good thing I took down all those posters of Mr T.)
The simple act of typing this paragraph takes a great deal of coordination, and I’m not even counting the biological monitoring such as deciding whether I might need a stretch or a refill on tea.
“How are you?” is Harder to Respond to than You Think
To elementary aged children, this multitasking takes time. You might think the “How are you?” question is simple to answer, but to a six year old they have to decide first that you are referring to how they are feeling and not how they are at (for example, playing the piano).
Then they have to decide how they are feeling, and decide whether to include some of the things that might have influenced how they are feeling like how his brother –dropped-chocolate-pudding-all-over-his-shoes-but-they-are-new-inside-only-shoes-and-he-looked-surprised-so-he-laughed-and-that-made-him-happy-until-he-realized-his-brother-had-worn-the-wrong-shoes-so-now-he’s-not-sure-because-his-brother-dropped-pudding-on-his-favourite-running shoes.
Once they have settled on the idea, they then must remember their manners, and maintain eye contact, and put a sentence together without mumbling, and finally they can respond to your question. If you interrupt this thinking process, perhaps by restating the question, they may have to restart the process from the beginning.
Wait for a Response
It is suggested that we wait 5 seconds for students (and our own children) to respond before repeating the question or asking it in a different way. Not only will the quality of the answers you get increase, your student or child will see that you can model patience, attention to the speaker, and appropriate listening skills as well. By focusing all your attention on waiting for the answer, you will develop a bond that will come in handy when your child needs to talk to you about tough matters.
Here is the five step process, for those who like checklists:
- State the child’s name
- Wait for the child to put the task down, stay still, and look at you.
- Ask your question while maintaining eye contact. Stoop down to the child’s level to make this easier (and my youngest says that I have extra chins when I look down at him).
- Wait 5 seconds.
- If the child doesn’t respond, try breaking the question up into smaller parts
Joanne Arcand is trying to juggle her role as a math teacher with her other life as mom of twin boys. She lives in Oakville, Ontario.
