Continuing our series on the skills our kids need to succeed, today we’ll focus on the ability to self-regulate. What is self-regulation and why is it important for our kids to have this skill?
In a nutshell, self-regulation is the ability to control one’s own feelings, thoughts and actions. According to Dr. Claire Cameron Ponitz of the University of Virginia “Self-regulation underlies our daily decisions and long-term behavioral tendencies. When people make poor choices - for example about health, school, work, or relationships, it is usually because of a failure of self-regulation.”
And why is it important our kids learn to self-regulate? Ponitz continues:
“With regard to early development, children who learn to control themselves and make good choices do better socially and academically than children who are overly angry, aggressive or impulsive.”
Another researcher, Yalda T. Uhl, at the Children’s Digital Media Center expands on the importance of self-regulation:
“Helping kids develop strategies like self-regulation will allow them to use their own initiative and to direct themselves — without adult supervision. A good self-regulator will pay attention to tasks, persist when it becomes difficult, demonstrate flexibility, and be confident that more effort will lead to positive outcomes.”
If you want to delve deeper into this topic, clinical psychologist Cheryl Arutt gives some more insight to self-regulation in this TEDx presentation:
The good news is that self-regulation is a learned skill. So what can parents do to help their kids learn to self-regulate?
- Researchers suggest classic games where children must follow directions and wait to take turns are particularly well suited for the development of self-regulations; games such as Stop and Go, Simon Says, Hide and Seek and Role Playing.
- Model your own behaviours in intentional ways to your children in the home. For example, show them how you write a shopping list before going to the supermarket, or how you use a calendar to keep track of everyone’s activities and appointments.
- Provide an environment that is free of distractions. It’s hard for children to get in the habit of concentrating on one activity when there are multiple distractions, such as TV sets that are on, gaming devices and tablets within easy reach.
- Let your children start taking charge of their routines. For example, let your child initiate the bedtime routine and take responsibility for when it’s time to take a shower, brush their teeth, get in bed and lights out.
- Notice your child’s good Self-Regulation ability. Notice the good stuff and tell them you notice. Reward them too.
