Although hope seems like a simple, wishy-washy emotion, researchers suggest cultivating hope is actually a complicated process, but that there are significant rewards for those who make the effort. They have found that students who have cultivated high hopes have greater academic success, stronger friendships, demonstrate more creativity and are better at problem-solving.
So how can we tell if our kids are high in hope? Researchers say that people that are high in hope don’t take failure personally. Rather, they use failure to improve their performance next time.They’re also more optimistic.When they face challenges, they tell themselves: “I can do this.I won’t give up.”
“Hope is goal-directed thinking (goals thinking) in which people perceive that they can produce routes to desired goals (pathways thinking) and the requisite motivation to use those routes (agency thinking).
Hope — the ideas and energy we have for the future.
High hope people believe that the future will be better than the present and that they have the power to make it so.” Shane Lopez, Scientist, Gallup
Like resilience, hope can be cultivated.First, let’s look at what researchers mean by “hope”.Hope is not about wishful thinking, it’s about a mindset.A person high in hope knows how to do the following:
- Set clear and attainable goals.
- Develop multiple strategies to reach those goals.
- Stay motivated to use these strategies to attain the goal, even when the going gets tough.
So what can parents do to help their kids develop hope?
- Identify and prioritize goals: create with your kids a big picture list of what’s important to them – friends, family, academics, activities – and then have them identify those that are most important to them.Next, have them create goals to reach these important milestones – goals that are positive and solutions-oriented.Break down the goals into attainable steps.This will give your kids reason to celebrate successful steps along the way, keeping them motivated to keep going.
- Tell stories of success: Researchers have found that hopeful students draw on successes they’ve had in the past or have heard about from parents and teachers when they face an obstacle.
- Keep it light and positive: teach your kids to enjoy the process of reaching their goals, learn to laugh at themselves when they make mistakes, and not to pity themselves. Using positive self-talk will help them reach their goals.
- Teach them to reframe: help your child to learn to shift perspective and look for the hidden positive in a negative situation.Help them look for the positive aspect and what they are learning when faced with adversity.
- Focus outside themselves: the fastest way to make ourselves miserable is to continually focus on ourselves.Teach your child to focus on the important people in their lives, and on the pursuits and projects that get them fired up.
- Nurture a culture of optimism: expect your child to succeed.Even when they occasionally fail to achieve what they set out to do, encourage them to keep going, tackle the challenge from a different perspective or talk about what he/she has learned from this setback and what they’d do differently next time.
- Cultivate spontaneity: there is no better way to exercise the optimism muscle than getting outside your comfort zone.Spontaneity essentially involves an expectation of having a pleasurable experience, so go do something you both enjoy.
