An essential skill our kids need for future success is self-discipline. Having the internal fortitude to tell themselves that if they focus for another 30 minutes on their homework, it will be done, rather than being distracted by other activities when their parents aren’t looking.
What can we do to help teach our kids about self-control, and instill this in them? Here are 9 steps that will get you on your way.
- Start as you mean to go on. Start teaching your kids from an early age about good habits and bad habits. At a young age, they can learn to put their toys away, and as they get older, giving them chores and the responsibility to handle them without too much prompting.
- There should be rewards and consequences. When our kids do well, praise and reward them. Make sure it’s not false praise, though, it has to be earned. Similarly, there also need to be consequences for not meeting expectations and bad behaviour. You can’t let one incident slide, you have to be consistent.
- Establish routines. Routines provide security for our kids and it helps them learn about controlling their behaviour. Emptying the dishwasher, feeding the dog, completing their homework, making their bed, picking up after themselves are all learned behaviors that lead to greater self-discipline.
- Teach them positive learning. Taking corrections without getting defensive can be hard for kids. Teach them that we are all learning and that it takes confidence to learn from our mistakes and to take it on board as constructive feedback.
- You’ll need rules. Hand-in-hand with learning to take corrections, you’ll need clear rules. Every family needs rules to function and your children need to know what they are.
- Give them a process to learn by. Kids need a framework for how things are done, they don’t just learn by osmosis, so take the time to teach them how to do something. A process makes a complicated task more manageable, such as how to write an essay, how to solve a long division equation, how to use Index cards to study for the upcoming history test.
- Engage your kids in activities. The sense of accomplishment when your child learns to play a song, or learns to swim, or learns their lines and performs at the school play, show them that having the discipline to practice those activities has its personal rewards.
- Tell them they will stumble. Self-discipline is not learned overnight. Heck, adults struggle with this too. Tell your kids that they will falter, sometimes fail, but that they will learn from their mistakes and to strive a little harder the next time.
- You are being watched. Yes, you will have to be a role model to your kids. Show them that you have learned self-control in your work, household chores and responsibilities towards your family.
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